Entertaining Moments in 2012

2012 had been a pretty rough year. I was desperately looking for a new job for a good portion of the year; my apartment was infested with mice; I was sexually harassed and had to leave my job because I felt unsafe, and my heart was ripped out of my chest and tossed in the trash. (Note to self: de-friend dudes who you break ties with before you look up and find your mini-feed plastered with pics of them and their new boo at the same date spots you two went to. Better yet, stop friending potential suitors so quickly. But I digress…)

While this year was filled with strife, and anxiety, I definitely learned a lot and can count my many blessings that allowed me to end the year winning and start 2013 afresh. During the year, there were a number of memorable moments in my dating life that allowed me to grow, laugh and create those “n*ggs ain’t sh—“ bonding experiences that I've previously discuss. I wanted to reminisce and share my top 5 ratchet moments of dating in 2012 (in no particular order) because in hindsight, they were just a hot mess. Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

1.)  I was talking to this fellow who was a year younger than me in age, but as someone who likes men a few years older, I was giving his maturity level the side eye early on. Well after a little while of getting to know each other, we were watching a movie at his place, and on cue, as soon as the movie ended he goes in for the kiss. After  a few minutes into our necking session, this man abruptly stops, gets up to turns off the tv and  turns on music to set the mood. Next thing I know, I hear the classic lines for some good love-making:

Yea I'm single, make her have to cancel dat bitch like nino
I aint trippin on nuthin I'm sippin on sumthin
And my homeboy say he got a badd bitch for me

That’s right, it’s LITTLE WEEZY’s romantic slow jam, “Single,” blasting over the speakers to get things popping. I was 26 years old at the time. A grown. A$$. Woman. Needless to say, I knew we weren't meant to be as soon as I heard that first “Uh.”  

2) A young man whom I had been dating for a few months had been slacking for the past month or so, and so clearly I had been taking full advantage of the fact we were not exclusive.Well, towards the end of our situation, he threw out there, "I know you're going on dates with other guys." And I'm like, "yeah," *Kanye shrugged over the phone*.  His accusatory response: "So you admit it!!"  Uhhhhh, yeah. We never had that convo, and you never claimed to be my man. Be easy son. Advice: If you haven't had "that talk" AND I'm not doing girlfriend-esque things for you either?! I'm working under this assumption:  You're. Not. My. Man.

3.) Same man (let's call him Davon), different convo:  I had told him what I expected of him if we were to keep seeing each other; he would apologize for his slack, and say that he'd try to do better (yes, "try;" *side eye was heavily thrown*). Well during the second or third apology convo, I was pulling up to CVS get a TB test for my new job. Davon proceeds with his apology, but this time, he sweetens the deal: "I know you're an independent woman and can do for yourself**, but I can pay for your TB test." If he woulda thrown in some cotton balls, I would have given him the business right then and there. :-\

**full disclosure: this is a false assumption--I was definitely not an independent woman at the time.

4) Lil Weezy's biggest fan, gets two moments in my top 5. Let's call him James. I had told him at some point that we couldn't be serious but we were still "friendly." A few weeks later, I was at Park--a flagship club/lounge in DC, where you are guaranteed to run into at least 3 people you know (or kinda maybe know) and many people that you will see around again. As I was leaving the club James comes out of nowhere and swoops in to whisk me to the other side of the room to introduce me to his friend. As I was saying good bye, he gives the look and leans in to kiss me on the lips.
      Now, if we don't go together, you don't kiss me on the lips in front of a multitude of other blacks. You taking risks son! I was so surprised, all I could do was turn my cheek to him. Sam: "Oh, so you're not f--king with me like that anymore?" Someone how I think I improved the grammar of his sentence. Were we ever f--king like that? No, sir. We were not. Don't force me to play you!!! Especially in front of other people. I'm a nice girl. I don't like to do it--but I will. Advice: Stay in your lane. 

5)  I was getting to know this strapping young man who was a therapist and a pysch doctoral student. Let's call him Paul. Paul had a great heart, seemed cool. On our third date, he is driving me home and asks, "Do you want to hear a fun fact?" Me, loving both fun and facts, and the synergy created with a "fun fact" enthusiastically answer "Yeah!"

      Paul: "When i first moved here, I was driving down this street with a big U-haul and my car attached and I got lost in this neighborhood, and I just broke down and started crying. I wasn't crying because I was lost, but because my ex-girlfriend had just broken up with me and I didn't know anyone in this city." My first thought: That wasn't fun. That wasn't fun at all:(  Needless to say this man was not over the hurt and pain, and I had to let him go so he can heal.

These were some of the more entertaining "learning experiences" I had in 2012. Most importantly, I did learn  from my experience with each young man. I know I'm going to get a wonderful man in 2013, and will have no inspiration for a post such as this one again, so you hope you enjoyed it!

Blessings