"Love, life and self"

Out here in these cold streets trying to find love and that special someone. I tell ya, I’ve learned some things. After years of naivete, not appreciating my self-worth and a fear of putting myself out there completely, I’ve gained a whole lot of learning experiences and little love. I’ve come to a sort of cross-roads at 26. I have been in the dating game for 10 years straight. The last I had a boyfriend I was 17 and it lasted about 2 weeks. Ten years--talk about draining. No reprieve with a loving relationship. No significant self-imposed sabbatical from the game (although I could argue that grad school was close to that). I have been in the mixing and mingling dating game for 10 years. 
To be honest, I never thought I’d be in the same situation at 26 that I was when I was was 20, or even 24. I am intelligent, kind, funny and beautiful dag nabbit! Why haven’t I had my turn with a loving relationship? Even my male peers are like, “huh?”

As folks say, you have to look at the constant in the equation, and I am the constant.  So I’m taking an honest look at me. What am I doing that is keeping me in this rut?  Entering this process chips at the ego a bit I must say. All this time I was blaming these foolish Negroes who don’t know how to treat a woman, or the lack of potential suitors in my random career-driven habitats (Duke University—with no car, mind you; Minnesota, Boston) or my focus on school and work. But I had to be real: Plenty of women have serious relationships despite all of the foolishness; they have relationships in random places; and they have them while getting their degrees and, or accomplishing career goals. I could write a Dr. Seuss book about all the situations where woman ARE successfully having relationships (they have them while going to grad school; they have them despite all of the fools; they have them in DC; they have them despite high rates of HIV—mm! ish just got too real …) But I digress…

This is my journey of self-discovery as I try to dissect my thought processes/actions/attitudes that have held me back from what I want in my love life. It is also my adventure of trying to obtain the kind of love I want and deserve with a revolutionized mentality and game plan.
I have to purge the old hurt and pain, the ineffective attitudes and thought processes and then fill myself with a “laws of attraction”-style energy, a fresh perspective and game plan to obtain the goals in my love life the same way I obtain my goals in other areas of my life. As my momma always says, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

It is my hope that not only will writing this be a therapeutic and at times enjoyable process for me, but that I may also offer something to other people as well—lessons they may want to consider of themselves, a chortle here and there, or just a way to commiserate with trying to figure out love, life and self.

Cheers,